PACKAGE DELIVERY PROBLEMS AND THE IMPORTANCE OF CUSTOMER SUPPORT
Written by Liz Bergeron
CAL (Lead, any gender, 30-35, Vocal type: Alto/Tenor) Cal is an introverted, stubborn, curious, provocative “Package Enthusiast.” Can guess a parcel’s weight to within 3 ounces. Refuses to eat at restaurants that don’t deliver but knows what they’d order off the menu if they did. Requires notice within 3-5 business days for social events. Has a history of odd, but fitting fixations. Best friends with Hazel since elementary school—Respected the fact that when Hazel was teased for still sleeping with a teddy bear, she shrugged and said it gave good hugs.
HAZEL (Lead, female, 30-35, Vocal type: Alto)
Cal’s extroverted, unapologetic, upbeat, self-assured best friend. Knows the schedule of every trivia night in the tri-city area. Doesn’t leave a social outing without the contact information of at least one NIP (New Interesting Person). Keeps her friends and family on their toes with unexpected opinions—Libraries should be louder, for example. Best friends with Cal since elementary school—Was tickled that Cal sorted their crayons by least likely to most likely to be used to ensure an even wear pattern.
QUINN (Supporting, male, 25-30, Vocal type: Tenor, must be comfortable rapping)
A symmetrical, hardworking, unaware, self-assured delivery driver. Great interviewer- was hired on the spot for every job he’s applied for. Believe that if you want it, you will get it, because well, it’s worked for him so far. Does figure modeling to support the arts—no one’s quite conveyed the curve of his jawline but he’s proud of them for trying. Is excited to fill the shoes of the delivery driver before him.
OTIS (Supporting, male, 40-45, Vocal type: Bass)
A practical, precise, opinionated, quirky support group member. Stopped eating sweets as a child due to its poor nutritional value, but does enjoy the occasional graham cracker. Brings his own scissors to the barber. Admits to using pencil to fill out the daily crossword when feeling especially naughty. His favorite sound is his wife’s laughter, followed by the NPR Marketplace intro.
PEARL (Supporting, female, Mid-60s, Vocal type: Soprano)
The mysterious, reliable, empathetic, kind support group leader. Wears to her group meetings the sweater her mother made for her when she started recovery. Is relieved the sleeves are long enough to cover her Grateful Dead tribute tattoo. Known for her cherry turnovers at her motorcycle club. The secret is love (a sprinkle of Maldon Sea Salt Flakes).
ROBIN HOOD BUT GAY
Written by Finn Caro Covi
ROBIN HOOD (Lead, any gender, 20s-50s, Vocal type: alto/tenor) Robin Hood is the extremely confident hero of old coming to the present day to defeat a villain. Must be comfortable wearing fake (or real!) mustache, presenting as male.
BARTHOLOMEW (Lead, any gender, 20s-50s, Vocal type: alto/tenor) Bart is an egotistical evil billionaire who is going to block out the sun and charge people per sun beam. His one weakness is the handsome Robin Hood. Must be comfortable wearing fake (or real!) big eyebrows and curly mustache, presenting as male.
RUMBLE STIKSEN (Supporting, any gender, 20s-50s, Vocal type: alto/tenor, patter song) Rumble is Bartholomew’s scientist, but rebels against him and builds a time travel machine to bring back Robin Hood and Little John. They are a nerdy and insecure genius.
LITTLE JOHN (Supporting, any gender, 20s-50s, Vocal type: alto/tenor) Little John is Robin Hood’s dense but hot sidekick and boyfriend helping Robin Hood. Must be comfortable wearing fake (or real!) beard, presenting as male.
(500) DAYS OF JIGSAW
Written by Moku Durant
BILLY (Lead, male, 20s-30s, Vocal type: tenor) Our hero. Billy is a young, naive, yet honest puppet who has magically come to life. He wants to strike it out on his own and leave the business of helping create SAW traps. His true dream is to create escape rooms where no one has to die (but it’s okay if one or two people do die). However, he feels stifled by his best buddy, Jigsaw. He falls in love with SAW contestant, Madison, and vows to whisk her away from this dangerous place. Torn between his loyalty to his best pal and the desires of his heart, Billy will have to make the tough decision to honor himself or the only friend he has.
JIGSAW (Lead, male, 30s-50s, Vocal type: baritenor or bass) Billy’s creator and best friend. Jigsaw is the leader and head honcho of the SAW operation and sees Billy as both his son and best friend. He created the SAW games in order to teach people unfazed with life to appreciate the gift that life can give. He feels Billy is his responsibility and is quite overprotective of him. Though his words are full of cheer and happiness, Jigsaw is still the monotonous man who believes his rank is higher than it truly is.
MADISON (MADDY) (Lead, female, 20s-30s, Vocal type: Alto) One of the contestants of Jigsaw’s “game”. She’s a bitch but is good at hiding it. Throughout her whole life, she has been able to manipulate people to get what she wants. Billy falls in love with her and perhaps she seems to fall for him…(she doesn’t, she just wants to get the F back home). She’s able to hide her true bitchiness until the end of the sketch. Then her true bitch colors REALLY show.
CONTESTANT #1 (Supporting, any gender, any age Vocal type: Tenor) One of the other unfortunate contestants of the game. This person tries to sing their way to freedom but their life is cut short mid-song. They are also a part of the opening number, screaming for their life.
CONTESTANT #2 (Supporting, female, any age, Vocal type: Any- this character does not require much singing) The final contestant of Jigsaw’s game. They die immediately after the opening number (this person will also play Annabelle in the final scene).
ANNABELLE (Supporting, female, any age, Vocal type: None- this role does not require singing.) Yes, that Annabelle. Annabelle the Doll is a guest at Billy’s super successful escape room business. She immediately wins him over.